EP.01: Truly Yours

In a stage where I had undergone hiding, I ended up suffocating within my sorrow. Stranded in the middle of nowhere, I did try my best to grasp for whatever object drifting nearby, not knowing that it would dissolve within my fingers. Helpless for relief and exhausted from breathing, I chose to let go of my life for good. Yet, an unusual kind of flash was reaching my way …

woman on the body of water
Photo by Daisa TJ

Being brought up in a world where darkness never existed. I never knew how negativity felt like. Of course, I got grounded, but it didn’t prevent me from being what I truly am. As a rebel, nothing could have dragged me down, no matter how much a person has attempted. However, happiness doesn’t last long.

Nevertheless, I had received such a lesson in the most crucial way ever. A child spoiled with a ton of love, food and adventures. It didn’t take that long to realize that the person you look up to will be appearing on a different path influenced by love/money. Hopes were shattered, artificial smiles were forever painted on faces; Furthermore, the conversation hardly lasted as long as it should be. Maybe that’s one reason why I withdraw myself from events. Hallucinated of remaining happy and prosperous, yet it comes with ends of its own. I was fighting vigorously to make sure that the individuals I was surrounded by were at my standards. Or was I selfishly fighting against society’s norms?

water droplets on green leaf

Days passed by as my anger gradually grew within me. Watching injustice not being served and my questioning of God being real was becoming repetitious on my mind. I’m a firm believer in never leaving a loved one behind, whether they’re suffering or not? I later got involved in a circumstance where I ended up being a victim of my rival and a target for my temper. Nevertheless, it destroyed me. I ended up severely ill, nearly murdered by my thoughts. Who will ever accept me nor my stories? In bed with no strength, loss of appetite and having trouble inhaling. I realized how beautiful death could be. Yet, God has a plan of their own.

selective focus photography of pink flower
Photo by Min An

The healing process caused a living in my own space extremely comfortable that I had neglected my true self. It permitted me to escape from obstacles. Yet, the truth is that it will always be best to leave the comfort to accomplish specific intentions. I always taught myself never to let go of my dreams, regardless of how deadly the situation is. My milestones consist of a ton of drowning and sometimes being buried under the sea. I did eventually come out alive. The moral of this post is that you won’t see what you’re capable of until you encounter something in life. I manage to take life into my own hands, learn from my mistakes, and observe every red signal that will make me safe in specific issues in life. Perhaps, I meant to stay in the deep end cause I needed to isolate myself for me to rebloom. Just like my favourite professor would always say, you won’t be able to reach your destiny unless you find your weakness.

P.s. I’m aware that this Blog post may be confusing as it has a hidden message for my Special Human.

Aachi Tea Kaadai

Most of my customers get excited when they see me working. It tends to freaks me out a bit cause I don’t know them that well to have them hyped up, right? I remember asking them “why are you excited to see me?”, confusingly. They told me that, the whole building has spoken about the food and drink, I prepare for them. It doesn’t matter if you did it in proper steps, it’s was just too unique for them. Since it was me, I smiled and made them their teas and gave it to them with a huge grin. I was in deep thoughts. I thought they were joking around. I even thought how different the drinks I make from my coworkers to the way I make it. I ended the thoughts by thinking it was some kind compliment. Later on, my favourite customer randomly came and spoke to me regarding his shift and of course his food, lol. As I finish making his food, I told him the story of what the other people have mentioned about my so-called mysterious talent. He told me that they were right and he’s 100% sure that they aren’t joking. I guess the answer to your delicious food and drinks is that I make it with love.

adult asia beverage black
Photo by Fancycrave.com on Pexels.com

So I officially came to a conclusion to prepare myself to drop out of law school, just to open a tea kadai (also known as a tea store). Imagine how much customers I’ll get just to have ppl wanting me to make their own drinks. I feel soo evil lol.

Sadly, I haven’t came across a tea kadai in Sri Lanka. But in India, they have a ton of them.

 

My Life as a Bitch.

So here I am tryna mind my own business and helping people out with their issues even though I’m currently growing in a place where two of my favourite people has broke-up which means I’m having trouble being there for both person and its such a huge pressure. Let’s not forget that my favourite uncle and aunty who I somewhat adopted is leaving me soon which hurts me in so many ways. Cause, I’m not close with any of my relatives except the ones in Sri Lanka and knowing that I am attached to them makes me wanna throw trauma so they won’t leave but it’s me. Trust me, I tried my best to stop being clingy by focusing on myself which eventually worked. Yet, I’m still thinking about them day and night 😦 .Trying to get my lifestyle straight for now…

woman looking holding while holding head with left hand
Photo by Austin Guevara on Pexels.com

However, I was told to help someone who trusted me and I did. But it got to the point where the person was trying to control and start picking on me aka emotionally abusing me. Imagine picking on a real-life Satan whose minding her own business. Yeah, that’s how my actual character is. I could destroy a person life within seconds. Since my dad and my fav bros always taught me to be patient and not to be a bitch. I did on what as told. Regardless, how much you try, being a good kid, I hate hearing rumours about me. All those things they plan to do me while the main person is away. How am I suppose to react to it.

Shall I tell the “main person” on whats happening? Will she believe me? Do I go on vacation and break her promise? Or should I just deal with it cause God and Karma exist?

backlit dark dawn environment
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Either way, I’m really liking this new lifestyle. Inhaling the smoke and watching it flow endlessly from my mouth as I’m in serious, with my deep thoughts. My bro has no clue about whats going on cause I decided to be lowkey and didn’t felt like being a crybaby, which I’m naturally am when he’s around. I’m currently insecure and have a ton of acne due to stress and being broken, so most of my soul is packed away til someone can be like

“OMG, You Really Need Me In Your Life!!!

black and white cartoon donald duck spotlight
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

If I had to be brutally honest, I’ve never trusted anyone or will ever be close with anyone besides my brothers. I don’t ever think they’ll leave me for something else or betray me in any kinds of way. Eventhough, I’m extremely clingy to them and they know that they’re my only friends I got. I don’t think, I’ll get amazing friends like them.

A friend came up to me to warn me about what they had mention to her which is to hurt my feelings by doing certain things to me. The funny part was that she told them that

“Do you really think she cares if you do stuff like that to her “.

5cd90b3029a0cb038016b15415911882

I guess that’s something I love about myself. Gosh, I love myself. But Seriously, my anger is still lingering on to me. Why would they wish to destroy me when I did nothing and helped them when they had serious personal problems of their own.

Like ARGHHH!!!

Therefore, I came to a conclusion that I permanently will remain as a bitch. Which means that you won’t be seeing such a thing called a sweet person in my case. According to Wikipedia, it mentions that it can indicate a strong or assertive woman. So I guess, I’m gonna keep that as my nickname. Jokes. I just wanna be me and I decided that I’m no longer talking to anyone and keeping my distance with humans unless I feel like they need someone to talk to. Besides that I should be fine cause like I said from the beginning, I have four amazing bros to annoy the shit out.

Photo on 2018-08-06 at 12.08 AM #2

Few Changes

I want to keep my blog real. where I can be able to talk about real things like war, money, poverty, love, prostitutes, LGBT, Serial killers, Paranormal, Racism, discrimination and much more….

pexels-photo-220201.jpeg
Maybe change the world and make it a better place. The main reason why people are degrading people is that no one has learned to understand or educate themselves. There’s an actual power to that. I will continue to do make blogs about beauty, my thoughts, lifestyle and food as well as Serious issues that are happening to the world. You don’t need to accept the things I say and I will perfectly fine cause it’s better to be different. Btw, I did some serious research and had interviewed people within that category so you can sense how it is to be standing in their shoes.

cf2017_04_22_15_17_29

P.s. What made me have sudden thoughts like this is that… There’s no point in me studying Law if I haven’t done my part especially when I have power in Social Media.

P.s.s. I think that’s how I would end up looking after I have people arguing and going against me for giving a voice to people who have none.

Scared to Shit!!!

Due to my own personal privacy, I do not want to tell you what location I was or where I was at. So here’s the story…

My mother told me to call her before I left work. So I was trying to multi-task before going to the bathroom. Cause I’m the type of person who would walk slowly cause I love admiring things aka adhi adhi nathukhu. So while walking, someone actually picked up the phone. It was a guy voice and was shaky like if it was windy or something. I was like thinking that no one has a rough voice like that in my fam. So I looked at my phone and its still dialling to my amma and I was like hello and he was like hello and I was like shit. I’m talking to a ghost. And my phone is a prepaid phone so I cut the phone and ran to the door. But the door has a password so I had to take a long way. I was thinking don’t be scared but I swear a teardrop just rolled down my eyes. My amma called me and asked how come I didn’t pick up the phone. Didn’t you speak to me? I asked curiously hoping it was her. She was like no and I was scared more than before. I kept everything to myself til I was ready. I seriously felt that this ghost that I spoke on the phone may be a demon or so. So, I told my mom every single detail and etc. She was like stop being crazy its a double connection, it’s extremely normal. Had the same problem a few times. Since then my soul was relaxed.

P.s. You might wonder why I was bringing a phone while heading to the washroom. Well, the place I work at has a female washroom stall, I think that’s what its called. Whats cool about it is that it’s private and I can leave a wallet or my handbag on the counters and no one will try to steal it.

pexels-photo-745054.jpeg

10 Facts about Anulakshmi Vaira

1.) The name Anulakshmi is given to me by the Tamil seniors while doing co-op at the senior home cause apparently, my actual name didn’t suit me. I later used that name and added one of my ancestor name Vaira cause I wanted to know how much I was worth.

2.) I was born in Colombo, Sri Lanka and arrived in Canada when I was 3 months old.

3.) I’m allergic to anything that forces me to not be myself, makes me feel insecure and has the chance for certain people to downgrade myself.

4.) I had depression for a very long time, ended up doing self-harm to make me feel better which lead me to attempt suicide which I failed numerously. I sadly had to accept that I was a failure in life. It got to the point where I had to take medication to heal which actually worked but I realized that I was the kind of person who relied on and needed meds after a few months. So I prevented myself from going on meds and practically the old and unhappy version of myself.
I personally felt and had to accept the fact that I was born to be sad. P.S. The best cure for a person to deal with depression is love (a.k.a. anbu and pasam)

5.) I have an on and off relationship with Carnatic music. Sounds weird right? I pursue singing when I was 3- 4 years old and quit cause I wasn’t a huge fan. Pursue singing again when I was 21 years old, later I chose to quit due to health issues. Now, I will be pursuing singing again once I finish school.

6.) I couldn’t speak til I was 7 years old and now my family is trying to shut me up due to the fact that I’m a chatterbox lol.

7.) According to the urban words, I have OCD. Like I literally hate messy room or unorganized pieces of material. It totally kills my vibes especially when I’m exhausted or have no time to do so. At times, I accidentally or might end up cleaning up people mess at their own house cause that’s how irritated I am or maybe I’m just bored.

8.) In a world where people uses each other for their needs, I live in a low key lifestyle where I don’t rely on people for company or money. I live a life where the people express love, positivity and have a great vibe. Who knows, I might be surrounded with Mafias 😉

9.) I don’t believe in relationships such as soulmates, family or friends. I personally think its fake. No ones loyal in this life except your parents. But there are a few real people who love you regardless and I love them for that. #majortrustissues

10.) I get mad very easily but I forgive cause no one’s perfect.

 

pexels-photo-459424.jpeg

Lip Exfoliator

Lip exfoliator is used to remove dry, dead skin from your lips. For an example, your lips can look dry, rough or chapped where an exfoliator is needed to remove the dead skin cells.

pexels-photo-216693.jpeg

The cause for dry, rough or chapped lips are by
– Lack of moisture
– Extreme Winds
– Lots of direct sunlight
– Lack of self-care.

Damaged lips can have many symptoms like excessive dryness, swelling, burning or bleeding.

Main three tips for exfoliating your lips:
1.) Be Gentle
2.) Don’t over exfoliate
3.) Always moisture after exfoliating

Here are some ways to get moist and pulpier lips:
– The Toothbrush 
– Lip Scrub
– Wash Cloth

Techniques:

The Toothbrush 
When the Toothbrush trend did come out. I, myself, did try it.
You must have a separate toothbrush for your teeth and lips cause we don’t any cross contamination. In order to use this technique, you must add oil or lip balm such petroleum jelly on your lips and brush the dead skin away, gently. Wipe off the access and apply lip balm on the lips should be silky smooth by now.

Personally, I’m against the toothbrush technique cause our lips are very sensitive.The person who brushes their lips tends to scare me.

Lip Scrub
The Lip scrub is usually made out of sugar, coffee grounds or oatmeal. Other ingredients are added depending on what the person would like to receive on the outcome of the product. I bought my lip scrub at Lush Cosmetics and I actually love plus its edible #awks.

In order to use the lip scrub, you must apply the “mix” on your lips and rub it in a circular motion for 2-3 minutes. Then you can wash your lips with water. Apparently, your suppose to do this once or twice a week. But in my case, I just do it when its dry.

Wash Cloth
Call me weird but I prefer the washcloth technique over anything. Or maybe, its the fact I’m lazy.

I only use the Washcloth technique after I had taken a shower or wash my face. It works perfectly and scrubs the dead cells on the surface of the lips away. I see better results in this technique.

pexels-photo-12679.jpeg

The benefits of exfoliating is
– Even out lips discolouration such as dark spots and melanin pigmentation
– Will receive a healthy and natural look.

Tips
– Always apply moisturizer like chapstick, petroleum jelly or balm.
– Never lick your lips after applying lip balm cause it takes the moisture away
– Scrub the lips softly especially when you’re using the toothbrush technique.

pexels-photo-127754.jpeg

Don’t forget to comment below on your favourite technique or products that you use to exfoliate your lips.

Low-key, Unexpected Failures & Time.

I decided to be low-key after having issues in my life. I swear that I contained bad luck starting from December 2017 til now. So far, I had been procrastinating, the list that I had planned to do for me to become successful ended up being a failure as well as the fact that my so-called support system has been missing cause someone who seems attractive has swift them away. God bless my soul, and I MEAN IT!!! I remember getting into a massive argument about how I wasn’t a huge fan of them supporting the “person” for betraying aka using me and I no longer want to be part of their life. Yet, I made no sense to them, and it doesn’t bother me, no more. Will remain invisible til they feel like “Damn, she’s right”.

From what I had done so far to make me feel happy:

• Deactivate all my social media accounts
• Put my phone on airplane mode which means that I no longer won’t be part of anyone’s life til I get my life straight.

Sadly, I got no ideas, my so-called bestie nor had my deceased grandfather came to help me. Which is oddly strange, they’re usually the ones who comfort me when I’m sad or lonely. Often, life is filled with tests. To enter the next level, you must excel one. Yet, I’m struggling badly. It got to the point where I was desperate and decided to go to the bad path. Of course, I had told someone because I didn’t want to disappoint the person who was there for me since day one aka my Thambi. He did somewhat be okay even though I wasn’t specific. But he did write a message, but this part caught my eye.

“Be smart, think positive, push forward, and don’t give up because hard times now means good times are to come.”

So, I dropped my plans and decided to be patient and try to expand my skills into a different field of studies. It ended up being a flop. The classes that I took eventually got cancelled and I was extremely heartbroken. None of my plans is working out well at all. Not going to lie, but I don’t know what my plans for the future are no more. I do distract myself from keeping myself from falling into depression. Hopefully, it works.

Please excuse me for loving the Kardashian a bit, but Kourtney once said on Episode 15 of Season 14: Diamonds Are Forever.

“I’m realizing that I don’t need my sister’s permission, ideas or feedback to do my own thing. Everybody finds their path at different times.Whether its interior design or something else. I’m just in a place right now in my life with work and relationship where I just need to take in charge and really live life for myself and my kids.”

 

pexels-photo-583399.jpeg

Krishani Official – It Might Be The End…

My bestfriend and I had started doing vlogs on June 10th. Apparently, I was in charge of the editing and making sure the video was appropriate to share with the public. Since no one really knows me, I felt that Youtube will allow me to be real and show my lifestyle. Hopefully, our Youtube channel makes people smile during their horrible days. That’s what our channel goal is. The other excuse is that our computer storage is filled up. Hopefully, I could free some space on the computer.

pexels-photo-566641.jpeg
************************
That was the actual blog post I was about to published months or maybe a year ago. But now that the Youtube Channel has been put aside due to sudden changes in our life. Such as the fact that our schedule doesn’t allow us to meet each other or accomplish certain things.
Therefore, the vlog has come to end or so….Maybe…. But who knows…

But if i had to be brutally honest, I decided to avoid any kind of teamwork for now #peace

Some of the following videos that I shot and edited on my own. The rest is private due to the fact I was a bit annoyed.

“But that doesn’t mean I will stop making and editing videos. Currently getting my life straight at the moment.”

Small Dream. Short Blog.

I haven’t had the time to do blogs lately or go on social media. It’s not because I’m avoiding you guys or so but I got 12 pending yet incomplete blogs waiting to be published. Will post them when I got some time. Til Then here’s a pic of me dreaming to settle in one of the most amazing countries I heard of. Not sure why my role model a.k.a Akka who was raised there chose not to stay. Oh well, need to convince my parents that I no longer plan to live in Canada.
P.s. Exams tend to make me dream at times.
P.s.s. I’m currently working on a big project 😛 (Hopefully it goes well)

Snapchat-1155202371-1

 

IMG_20170812_185331_388.jpg