Low-key, Unexpected Failures & Time.

I decided to be low-key after having issues in my life. I swear that I contained bad luck starting from December 2017 til now. So far, I had been procrastinating, the list that I had planned to do for me to become successful ended up being a failure as well as the fact that my so-called support system has been missing cause someone who seems attractive has swift them away. God bless my soul, and I MEAN IT!!! I remember getting into a massive argument about how I wasn’t a huge fan of them supporting the “person” for betraying aka using me and I no longer want to be part of their life. Yet, I made no sense to them, and it doesn’t bother me, no more. Will remain invisible til they feel like “Damn, she’s right”.

From what I had done so far to make me feel happy:

• Deactivate all my social media accounts
• Put my phone on airplane mode which means that I no longer won’t be part of anyone’s life til I get my life straight.

Sadly, I got no ideas, my so-called bestie nor had my deceased grandfather came to help me. Which is oddly strange, they’re usually the ones who comfort me when I’m sad or lonely. Often, life is filled with tests. To enter the next level, you must excel one. Yet, I’m struggling badly. It got to the point where I was desperate and decided to go to the bad path. Of course, I had told someone because I didn’t want to disappoint the person who was there for me since day one aka my Thambi. He did somewhat be okay even though I wasn’t specific. But he did write a message, but this part caught my eye.

“Be smart, think positive, push forward, and don’t give up because hard times now means good times are to come.”

So, I dropped my plans and decided to be patient and try to expand my skills into a different field of studies. It ended up being a flop. The classes that I took eventually got cancelled and I was extremely heartbroken. None of my plans is working out well at all. Not going to lie, but I don’t know what my plans for the future are no more. I do distract myself from keeping myself from falling into depression. Hopefully, it works.

Please excuse me for loving the Kardashian a bit, but Kourtney once said on Episode 15 of Season 14: Diamonds Are Forever.

“I’m realizing that I don’t need my sister’s permission, ideas or feedback to do my own thing. Everybody finds their path at different times.Whether its interior design or something else. I’m just in a place right now in my life with work and relationship where I just need to take in charge and really live life for myself and my kids.”



Who Knew….

Today for the first time, I’m going to pour out my feelings into this blog. I was looking through my messages on Facebook. I realized that my Ex best friend HK is on Facebook back.  My Ex Best friend loves to deactivate her Facebook because she told me that it was some sort of distraction. This caused her to deactivate her Facebook. But as a long as they know that Facebook is distracting, I’m good. As I went to her profile, to post something on her wall. I realized that she and I am no longer friend. She was known to be the best friend a.k.a big sis to look up to. She was dealing with a lot of issues. But I was there for her and she was there for me. When she first came to high school, we became friends. We could say that she was a hyper Punjabi person. I didn’t chilled with her because she had friends of her own. When we were in grade 10, we became best friends. We were so close that I knew her life/problems and she knew mines. Before we graduated from high school, she wrote and told me a lot of nice things that I can never forget. We thought that we would be there for each other when we were older. But times, changes. During college, she won’t talk to me as much as she used to. She hardly was there for me when I was actually there for her. I knew something was wrong. So, I called her but she hung the phone on me. Who knew this would actually happen. So I called my friend Abigail (a.k.a model and also tried out to become Miss Teen Canada) and told her my issues with her. She told me that she was dealing with issues and I should leave her alone, for a while. It was hard at first but I did as told. As days passed, my Best Friend started to talk to me during Christmas. She had a thing of writing long messages to me. Some of her messages makes me a bit emotional because she had the amazing things to tell me. Then she stopped talking and messaging to me again. It’s really annoying .But once I got an iPod app that allows people to msg me while I’m not on Facebook or Hotmail .I started texting her…

Ajitha: hey I got a phone so if you want to talk to me, text me on this number

HK: hey, who is this?

Ajitha: it’s Ajitha

She never replied.

Three weeks later….

Ajitha: hey what’s up?

Hk: who is this?

Ajitha: it’s me Ajitha :p

She never replied.

I had a feeling that there was something wrong with her but I never stopped .Cause when a friend needs help…we have to be there.

Ajitha: If you don’t want any me to be there for you, just say it so I will know that you don’t need help at all. And I could stop worrying about you.

HK: who are u?

Ajitha: it’s Ajitha

She never replied back and I stopped helping .Couldn’t believe that I wasted my time to help her. I minded my own business and tried making it better by being with the friends who was there for me. It’s been three months that we hadn’t talked. Later on, I realized that she and I are not friends anymore .I was heartbroken. She told me that she would be my side when I need her and I’ll be by her side. This just ruined my day. I have no words to say but tears. There was a lot of confusion within me. Was I the unperfected one or was there something wrong with me. There was so much going in my head. My best friend Aszee told me that it’s her loss. This made me realize that a lot of people accept me for being me. But in this situation, I’m sooo confused. Maybe, it’s the stories and problems that we share.

Just because we are no longer friends doesn’t mean I will forget the great memories, I had. Will I ever talk to her or forgive her. The answer will be no. But the problem with me is that I forgive easily and also feel pity for someone, who was actually there for me (in my life).I won’t know and do not want to know. I think I’m going to move on in life. As I went to my room to put away the cards and presents, she gave me. I saw my favorite teddy bear, which she bought me, for my birthday. I was debating to myself as usual. Should I just put away my teddy bear and put in a box, somewhere in the basement .That I will never search for. I don’t know if this is normal but I’m really attached to this teddy bear.

I’m going to move on. I’m going to enjoy life and forget about the past or maybe this day. It was like if someone stabbed me in the heart. I was so hurt that I didn’t know what to do. As long, I know that I have loving friend who are there for me. I should be good. I don’t know where I would be with Abigail wisdom and Aszee cheerful thoughts.

If I had to be honest with you, I don’t like sharing my sorrows and loss to the whole world. But when my siblings need help and I’m not there (on earth).They could always read through my blogs. So, they know how to handle this situation. It’s not, just them, it could be my relatives, family members, and friends and let’s not forget readers like you. I know that my advice may not be powerful but I hope people get an idea on what I’m saying.