Why I consider myself as a Sri Lankan, not Tamil

Whenever I tell people that I’m a Sri Lankan. People of my kind tend to stare at me weirdly and corrects me by telling me that I’m a Tamil. I do mention elderly Tamil people that I’m Tamil so it would be easier for them to communicate. So let me allow you to step into my life as I post interesting free pics which is not part of my copyright regarding on my journey in life. Maybe it will allow you to understand me a bit better.

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So years ago, my mother aka amma planned to give birth to me. Due to Circumstances, my mother travelled all the way from Jaffna to give birth to a Legend, in south Sri Lanka. imagine those fire routes, LTTE and the Sri Lankan army during that time. Seems scary, isn’t it?
Anywayz, I arrived in Canada and eventually got to be exposed to all sorts of religion and was grew up with a ton of amazing Sri Lankan family. I was raised by a Tamil Christian family and Sinhala family. practically grew up with my cousin who was Hindu and family friends that were Tamil Muslims. The best part was that I was in the hands of no harm and was not killed. (being sarcastic and rolling my eyes)

 

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I guess, changing to more than 5 schools seemed stressful cause I was either had more friends, had no friends, bullied or maybe had the world against me. I was upset but I didn’t really give a shit.

When the Tamil genocide started, I was getting bullied by anyone who was Tamil and if you weren’t Tamil, it was your lucky day. I was practically emotionally bullied. Believe it or not, I got to see a ton of false Tamil considering themselves as Tamil Tigers or being a pro-Tamil. Sadly, I’m seeing it on Social media. Even though I was born as a Sri Lankan Tamil and was from Jaffna. Their excuse was that I had to born in “TAMIL EELAM” to be a Tamil. In this case, I wasn’t. As you grow older, you tend to wonder how stupid they were. Cause according to the words they mentioned, they were born outside of “TAMIL EELAM” so they “THEMSELVES” would not be considered as a Tamil. But since it’s me I don’t give a shit. This continued til the world has released a news which is false that “The LTTE Leader has been killed”. However, the Non-Tamils continued to get on my nerves. If I had to be brutally honest, I did got to see the people who truly cared and still managed to be my friends thru all that. btw, this is when I start considering myself as a Sri Lankan Tamil cause I was a teen and was heartbroken. Plus, I wasn’t a huge fan of people picking on the Sinhalese either. That’s how my conclusion to that came.

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Recently, I had followed a pro-Tamil person and I actually enjoyed everything til I found out that I felt extremely uncomfortable. Dragging Tamil people down, showing hate towards the light skin Tamil people which felt that I was accepting something that I was personally against. the person was also proving me wrong on why I should become a Tamil and not a Sri Lankan.I was later considered confused and strange to them. I later saw social media celebs showing hate on the word “Sri Lankan”. It was annoying and I personally felt that the Tamil people who were telling the world that they were part of the Tigers got on my nerves. I personally didn’t want hatred. But this is what I can personally say to all those pro-Tamil and false Tamil tigers.

Will do a quick history of our Sri Lankan war regarding on what had happened in a different post.

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The Tamil Tigers who ruled Jaffna at the time had people under control. There were “things” that happened but it wasn’t serious. Everyone was under control. No one spread hatred to one to another. Food was given and shared. They made programs where its called a masterclass at the moment where people got to learn thing for free. it was safe for a female to walk down the street knowing that no men would whistle at her. there so much more but it takes a real human to know. I heard a few stories regarding about them and I will accept them since the LTTE leader had apologized back then regarding about the Muslim Tamil. The main point of the Tamil Tigers was that they wanted a peaceful country and have an independent place where we have an actual identity. This has nothing to do with the Sinhalese people at all. Its based on the government, the British royal and the foreigner who raided Sri Lanka. We’re just recreating a new problem for a community where we can end it the easy way. Not all problems are permanent, just remember. The main point of this blog is to show how better us humans can do by being united.

It Takes nothing to join the crowd, it takes everything to stand alone. Hans F.Hansen

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Scared to Shit!!!

Due to my own personal privacy, I do not want to tell you what location I was or where I was at. So here’s the story…

My mother told me to call her before I left work. So I was trying to multi-task before going to the bathroom. Cause I’m the type of person who would walk slowly cause I love admiring things aka adhi adhi nathukhu. So while walking, someone actually picked up the phone. It was a guy voice and was shaky like if it was windy or something. I was like thinking that no one has a rough voice like that in my fam. So I looked at my phone and its still dialling to my amma and I was like hello and he was like hello and I was like shit. I’m talking to a ghost. And my phone is a prepaid phone so I cut the phone and ran to the door. But the door has a password so I had to take a long way. I was thinking don’t be scared but I swear a teardrop just rolled down my eyes. My amma called me and asked how come I didn’t pick up the phone. Didn’t you speak to me? I asked curiously hoping it was her. She was like no and I was scared more than before. I kept everything to myself til I was ready. I seriously felt that this ghost that I spoke on the phone may be a demon or so. So, I told my mom every single detail and etc. She was like stop being crazy its a double connection, it’s extremely normal. Had the same problem a few times. Since then my soul was relaxed.

P.s. You might wonder why I was bringing a phone while heading to the washroom. Well, the place I work at has a female washroom stall, I think that’s what its called. Whats cool about it is that it’s private and I can leave a wallet or my handbag on the counters and no one will try to steal it.

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10 Facts about Anulakshmi Vaira

1.) The name Anulakshmi is given to me by the Tamil seniors while doing co-op at the senior home cause apparently, my actual name didn’t suit me. I later used that name and added one of my ancestor name Vaira cause I wanted to know how much I was worth.

2.) I was born in Colombo, Sri Lanka and arrived in Canada when I was 3 months old.

3.) I’m allergic to anything that forces me to not be myself, makes me feel insecure and has the chance for certain people to downgrade myself.

4.) I had depression for a very long time, ended up doing self-harm to make me feel better which lead me to attempt suicide which I failed numerously. I sadly had to accept that I was a failure in life. It got to the point where I had to take medication to heal which actually worked but I realized that I was the kind of person who relied on and needed meds after a few months. So I prevented myself from going on meds and practically the old and unhappy version of myself.
I personally felt and had to accept the fact that I was born to be sad. P.S. The best cure for a person to deal with depression is love (a.k.a. anbu and pasam)

5.) I have an on and off relationship with Carnatic music. Sounds weird right? I pursue singing when I was 3- 4 years old and quit cause I wasn’t a huge fan. Pursue singing again when I was 21 years old, later I chose to quit due to health issues. Now, I will be pursuing singing again once I finish school.

6.) I couldn’t speak til I was 7 years old and now my family is trying to shut me up due to the fact that I’m a chatterbox lol.

7.) According to the urban words, I have OCD. Like I literally hate messy room or unorganized pieces of material. It totally kills my vibes especially when I’m exhausted or have no time to do so. At times, I accidentally or might end up cleaning up people mess at their own house cause that’s how irritated I am or maybe I’m just bored.

8.) In a world where people uses each other for their needs, I live in a low key lifestyle where I don’t rely on people for company or money. I live a life where the people express love, positivity and have a great vibe. Who knows, I might be surrounded with Mafias 😉

9.) I don’t believe in relationships such as soulmates, family or friends. I personally think its fake. No ones loyal in this life except your parents. But there are a few real people who love you regardless and I love them for that. #majortrustissues

10.) I get mad very easily but I forgive cause no one’s perfect.

 

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Low-key, Unexpected Failures & Time.

I decided to be low-key after having issues in my life. I swear that I contained bad luck starting from December 2017 til now. So far, I had been procrastinating, the list that I had planned to do for me to become successful ended up being a failure as well as the fact that my so-called support system has been missing cause someone who seems attractive has swift them away. God bless my soul, and I MEAN IT!!! I remember getting into a massive argument about how I wasn’t a huge fan of them supporting the “person” for betraying aka using me and I no longer want to be part of their life. Yet, I made no sense to them, and it doesn’t bother me, no more. Will remain invisible til they feel like “Damn, she’s right”.

From what I had done so far to make me feel happy:

• Deactivate all my social media accounts
• Put my phone on airplane mode which means that I no longer won’t be part of anyone’s life til I get my life straight.

Sadly, I got no ideas, my so-called bestie nor had my deceased grandfather came to help me. Which is oddly strange, they’re usually the ones who comfort me when I’m sad or lonely. Often, life is filled with tests. To enter the next level, you must excel one. Yet, I’m struggling badly. It got to the point where I was desperate and decided to go to the bad path. Of course, I had told someone because I didn’t want to disappoint the person who was there for me since day one aka my Thambi. He did somewhat be okay even though I wasn’t specific. But he did write a message, but this part caught my eye.

“Be smart, think positive, push forward, and don’t give up because hard times now means good times are to come.”

So, I dropped my plans and decided to be patient and try to expand my skills into a different field of studies. It ended up being a flop. The classes that I took eventually got cancelled and I was extremely heartbroken. None of my plans is working out well at all. Not going to lie, but I don’t know what my plans for the future are no more. I do distract myself from keeping myself from falling into depression. Hopefully, it works.

Please excuse me for loving the Kardashian a bit, but Kourtney once said on Episode 15 of Season 14: Diamonds Are Forever.

“I’m realizing that I don’t need my sister’s permission, ideas or feedback to do my own thing. Everybody finds their path at different times.Whether its interior design or something else. I’m just in a place right now in my life with work and relationship where I just need to take in charge and really live life for myself and my kids.”

 

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Small Dream. Short Blog.

I haven’t had the time to do blogs lately or go on social media. It’s not because I’m avoiding you guys or so but I got 12 pending yet incomplete blogs waiting to be published. Will post them when I got some time. Til Then here’s a pic of me dreaming to settle in one of the most amazing countries I heard of. Not sure why my role model a.k.a Akka who was raised there chose not to stay. Oh well, need to convince my parents that I no longer plan to live in Canada.
P.s. Exams tend to make me dream at times.
P.s.s. I’m currently working on a big project 😛 (Hopefully it goes well)

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Repost: @james_clear

I found this picture with a bunch of quotes found under it on Insta.

The success you see others experiencing is rarely as sexy as it appears to be

 

Repost: @tiabhuva : I came across this post on Reddit – initially written by @james_clear .

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1. People naturally want to share the most photogenic version of their life and seldom discuss the process behind the scenes.
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2. The results of success are usually public and highly visible, but the process behind success is often private and hidden from view.
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3. The deception of success is greater now than ever before because social media curates the best, happiest and biggest moments to show us.
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4. When your screen is filled with examples of the strongest, richest, and smartest, it’s easy to overvalue the outcome & undervalue the process.
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5. You start to think there are people out there who have somehow “hacked life” such that there are only rewards and no consequences.
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6. You can’t cherry-pick your favourite parts of a lifestyle. When you choose the benefits of an action, you also choose the drawbacks.
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7. The great trick of success is that to actually achieve it you have to want the public rewards and the hidden costs.

8. If you’re not willing to 100 percent swap with who that person is, then there is no point in being jealous.

9. Maybe jealousy and envy would fade if we knew the full story behind success. Maybe we would be less likely to put people on a pedestal.

Officially Blogging…

To make things short, I’m officially back, for real 😛
I couldn’t blog for like a year due to stuff, I kinda needed some time to be away from blogging cause of health issue and some “stuff”.(will blog about it when I feel ready.) It was extremely stressful, I got in a car accident, almost lost a person (thankfully, they’re okay) and I myself wasn’t in a good position in life. There’s more, but I think, I should shoot out positivity in my blog. Surprisingly, I could smile all this. For those who don’t know, when I get stressed out where I actually want to cry my soul out which will end in a month or so. I would actually do something stupid. I guess that’s how my rebel personality is created. My favourite uncle who is a known photographer took us to Wonderland. My family and I just went through so many emotions after hearing that someone I love more than anyone was in the hospital. Sadly, as the oldest child, I couldn’t keep my emotions in (will continue with the story later). Anyways, my godmother thought it was good for me and my siblings to do something fun. so, we went to something, got on rides and I manage to go on the Behemoth. My mother still wonders why but I haven’t mentioned anything…
The only reason, I started blogging is because of the cute messages that I get from you also known to I got an msg from an amazing yet talented Indian on how funny my posts were, a year ago :P. I personally don’t take these msgs seriously unless they mention something from my posts and tell me something related to it. But you had no clue on how much it made my day. What made it extremely amazing is when it’s someone who doesn’t live in Canada. Lastly, I have two people or more who are taking in control of all my social media and career. God Bless My Soul ❤

01

Happy Birthday Lady V

One day, I was looking down from the balcony in a really bad mood, hating my life. And there you were, trying to start a conversation with me, by bringing up some random topics. When I think about it, it was quite hilarious. You never stopped talking. Seconds later, I was eventually forced to be your friend. Never expected that we would’ve been besties after a second I found out that I met another version of me. It’s quite weird… our life is the same, our family is the same… and if I wanted I would continue but the list is extremely long for me to type.I remember I was soo EXCITED to finally meet another version of ME that I had to tell it to someone in my family 😀 . All I know was the fact my mom almost fainted. Not sure what was on my mom’s mind but our personality ain’t that horrible, right?
You sure made my day when you randomly asked me out, once school was done. I was expecting to see your face, next semester. But, I guess, I was wrong. I sure did love the adventures we got ourselves into. Eventhough, we got ourselves in trouble whether a sports car was stalking us (I was innocent :/ ) or the fact we waiting outside innocently in the rain when some random brown dude honked at us. But I did actually learned something important on that day, which was, that we had to scream as loud as you can and run. Not boxing his face. Remember the time we almost got chased by your neighbourhood dog. Or the fact that we actually got to meet a ghost (I did not steal its candy -_- …. I was lucky enough to get a free candy at the vending machine #smh). We sure did love to get ourselves in trouble.
I didn’t really know what to say when you kidnapped me from school just to eat doubles. Or the fact you took me into another city #smh. Thank god, my parent doesn’t know about this. Otherwise, I would have been grounded as usual #Meh. Believe it or not, you really know how to get me out of stuffs. Whether it was a situation that had been bothering for years. All the random stuffs you do to put a big smile on my face and laugh til tears come out. Well, no one hasn’t done that for me at all and even if they did. I didn’t really get to see them that much since they’re too busy. After doing a lot, I sure do wander if we had crossed each others path in this life.
Now that I’m on the end of this birthday letter/speech/ essay/ paragraph… whatever this thing is called. I just wanted to say that I would always love you as much as each wave touches the shore. I will always be by your side whether I’m normal or not. You will always be my Bestie, Butthead, Twin, Bunny, Lil Sis, Childhood Bestie and etc. Why do we have so many nicknames for each other? Oh wait, we’re cool like that.
Anyways, Happy, Happy, Happy Birthday!!!!
Hope you get spoiled with tons of love and presents as years pass by.
I know that you will choose the best and wise choices in life, as you’re an adult.
Now that we’re old we could go to Tim Horton and buy hot chocolate and a double chocolate 😛
p.s. I’m taking you out for a birthday treat once school is done. ❤
p.s.s.We seriously need to get a professional person to take our pics :/

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The Duchess Of Ceylon <3

After thinking A LOT, I decided to give myself a new makeover. Which meant, I had to delete A LOT of blog posts and change the settings for my blog. Wait, What? What’s going on and Why on earth would you do that!!! Well, Its actually a really, really, long story… As you can see, I felt that this blog wasn’t really me. So I decided to change the whole thing and do what I always wanted to do. Just like my close friends who tend to worry about me for numerous reasons would always say, “ Do what your heart say but don’t forget to bring your brain with you”. So here I am building a proper blog for myself and restarting my life like the way I had always planned. So here I am changing my blog name to Ajitha Kala to That Tamil Girl to The Duchess Of Ceylon. Its not weird, right? I’ve been always treated as a princess as a kid and I did enjoyed it. But as you get older, it tend to get extremely annoying. No matter how much you tried to be a bad girl or a rebel. The inner princess a.k.a the real you will do its best to come out. So here I am officially giving up on being something which I am not or will be in the future. I’ve gotten a lot of people worried cause I’ve been busy searching for the real me for the past ten years of my life. I guess, I got my life ordered since that’s the real me. So here I am planning to writing stuffs on my journal as I can’t wait publish these posts. Sigh, I’m gonna wait here at my castle as my best friend comes to kidnap me, as usual. Til then I hope I didn’t give anyone trouble with the sudden changes 😛

Ghost

Right now I’m enjoying the beautiful view while studying for all of my subjects.I had a weird life nowadays. I tried to be Shiva who is a well-known Hindu god. But it’s getting complicated because people are picking on me for no reason. I’m always getting into problems and etc.This Saturday, my best friend Amanda and i had gotten our Cpr license.yay us!!! and we had an actual tough day during our cpr class.I think I had met a ghost but not sure.It started with the vending machine.I was so hungry that I went to the vending machine. I got myself Lays and I also got a gum for free. That is what I call is my lucky day.Later on, class ended which meant that I could chill. we found some papers regarding how we should study. It had so much great tips that I might put a few on my next blog. while searching for some papers the lights above us started flicking and the security cameras actually shut down. The weird part was that there was no security around us. the door nearby made a noise and there was no one there at all. We decided to leave as soon as possible.I’m kinda freaked out but wasn’t sure what that was all about.On the bright side, no one was hurt.All I know that it could be a ghost or I might have magical powers that I’m not used to using. I’m gonna go and find out what was that was all about. Til then see ya.

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