Who Knew….

Today for the first time, I’m going to pour out my feelings into this blog. I was looking through my messages on Facebook. I realized that my Ex best friend HK is on Facebook back.  My Ex Best friend loves to deactivate her Facebook because she told me that it was some sort of distraction. This caused her to deactivate her Facebook. But as a long as they know that Facebook is distracting, I’m good. As I went to her profile, to post something on her wall. I realized that she and I am no longer friend. She was known to be the best friend a.k.a big sis to look up to. She was dealing with a lot of issues. But I was there for her and she was there for me. When she first came to high school, we became friends. We could say that she was a hyper Punjabi person. I didn’t chilled with her because she had friends of her own. When we were in grade 10, we became best friends. We were so close that I knew her life/problems and she knew mines. Before we graduated from high school, she wrote and told me a lot of nice things that I can never forget. We thought that we would be there for each other when we were older. But times, changes. During college, she won’t talk to me as much as she used to. She hardly was there for me when I was actually there for her. I knew something was wrong. So, I called her but she hung the phone on me. Who knew this would actually happen. So I called my friend Abigail (a.k.a model and also tried out to become Miss Teen Canada) and told her my issues with her. She told me that she was dealing with issues and I should leave her alone, for a while. It was hard at first but I did as told. As days passed, my Best Friend started to talk to me during Christmas. She had a thing of writing long messages to me. Some of her messages makes me a bit emotional because she had the amazing things to tell me. Then she stopped talking and messaging to me again. It’s really annoying .But once I got an iPod app that allows people to msg me while I’m not on Facebook or Hotmail .I started texting her…

Ajitha: hey I got a phone so if you want to talk to me, text me on this number

HK: hey, who is this?

Ajitha: it’s Ajitha

She never replied.

Three weeks later….

Ajitha: hey what’s up?

Hk: who is this?

Ajitha: it’s me Ajitha :p

She never replied.

I had a feeling that there was something wrong with her but I never stopped .Cause when a friend needs help…we have to be there.

Ajitha: If you don’t want any me to be there for you, just say it so I will know that you don’t need help at all. And I could stop worrying about you.

HK: who are u?

Ajitha: it’s Ajitha

She never replied back and I stopped helping .Couldn’t believe that I wasted my time to help her. I minded my own business and tried making it better by being with the friends who was there for me. It’s been three months that we hadn’t talked. Later on, I realized that she and I are not friends anymore .I was heartbroken. She told me that she would be my side when I need her and I’ll be by her side. This just ruined my day. I have no words to say but tears. There was a lot of confusion within me. Was I the unperfected one or was there something wrong with me. There was so much going in my head. My best friend Aszee told me that it’s her loss. This made me realize that a lot of people accept me for being me. But in this situation, I’m sooo confused. Maybe, it’s the stories and problems that we share.

Just because we are no longer friends doesn’t mean I will forget the great memories, I had. Will I ever talk to her or forgive her. The answer will be no. But the problem with me is that I forgive easily and also feel pity for someone, who was actually there for me (in my life).I won’t know and do not want to know. I think I’m going to move on in life. As I went to my room to put away the cards and presents, she gave me. I saw my favorite teddy bear, which she bought me, for my birthday. I was debating to myself as usual. Should I just put away my teddy bear and put in a box, somewhere in the basement .That I will never search for. I don’t know if this is normal but I’m really attached to this teddy bear.

I’m going to move on. I’m going to enjoy life and forget about the past or maybe this day. It was like if someone stabbed me in the heart. I was so hurt that I didn’t know what to do. As long, I know that I have loving friend who are there for me. I should be good. I don’t know where I would be with Abigail wisdom and Aszee cheerful thoughts.

If I had to be honest with you, I don’t like sharing my sorrows and loss to the whole world. But when my siblings need help and I’m not there (on earth).They could always read through my blogs. So, they know how to handle this situation. It’s not, just them, it could be my relatives, family members, and friends and let’s not forget readers like you. I know that my advice may not be powerful but I hope people get an idea on what I’m saying.

 

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Anulakshmi Vaira
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